On My Mind

Who gets custody of the “friend”?

The hard part about breakups is realizing who gets custody of the “friends”.

Seriously, this is incredibly tricky when couples run in the same circles. It often makes me wary about even dating someone who runs in the same circle as me. Why add more drama to an already uncomfortable situation?

Their friends were always their friends and only became your friend because you were dating them.

This does not discount the rare occasion where you make actual friendships in the process. That does happen. However, when you breakup you should expect that they keep their friends and you keep yours.

Joint friendships made while in the relationship become tricky. They feel they have to choose sides.

This is so awkward. Just remember if the joint friend picks the other side, they were never your friend to begin with. If you are the joint friend and a couple asks you to choose sides, they are not your friend.

A few years back I got involved with the best friend of the person who most would call my best friend. The relationship was great while it lasted and I think that we both did our best not to involve our friend in anything that would make her uncomfortable. It did feel really awkward for me to not have anyone to really vent to when I needed it though. When our relationship ended, our friend took it like a soldier and the true friend to both of us that she is. She remained friends with each of us. Nothing changed. I knew that it couldn’t be the best situation for her but it all worked out.

It all worked out because she was a real friend.

Social media has changed the meaning of the word friend. Everyone you meet and interact with is not your friend. Everyone who calls themselves your friend really isn’t.

I believe friendship is shown through action. Although you can become friends with someone very quickly, it is time tested.

If you are going through a breakup and you even think about who is going to get custody of a certain friend… they aren’t really a friend. There should be no question.

This is one of those things where you live and you learn.

I have lived.

I have learned.

I have shared a little bit with you.

Just remember not to get all bent out of shape. Allow people to show you who they really are. It makes life easier in the long run.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s