On My Mind

Confirmation…

So, last weekend was interesting. I knew going in that I would see him. I did my best to prepare myself for that. I didn’t want there to be any drama. I mean it was our mutual friend’s birthday weekend. We were there for her. So I strapped my shell on tight, reinforced its wall with duct tape & bubble wrap in the areas it is still fragile, and made the drive up there.

*Side note* My new favorite therapy song is Payphone by Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa…. pure awesomeness!

So, back to the story… it wasn’t like I thought it would be. My mind over the past year or so had decided that all my efforts were for shit and that the time with him was a complete waste, minus the hard lessons & strength gained. I felt like I had sugar coated my feelings and was in love with being in love.

The minute I walked in the door and saw him… I told that part of myself to have all the seats available. That man… I’m still not sure what it is about him but damnit it was alive and well the whole time I was there. He gets this look on his face when he is puzzled about something but doesn’t want to give it more thought that just makes me want to…

But I didn’t. I kept my shell on. I kept my thoughts to myself and we behaved as adults who friends through one person would.

I am glad that the feelings were real. I was starting to question myself a lot more than I should. I have learned to trust myself again!

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